Reflections on Mother's Day

Reflections on Mother’s Day

Time heals all wounds, but a Mother’s love conquers all first. - D. Boegli

When you’ve lost your Mom, Mother’s day is bittersweet. I struggle each year with this day. A day to honor Mom and yet be honored by my own daughters. Somehow, I’m still trying to learn how to be a good mom, trying to make sure I don’t mess up, trying to be as good a mother as my own Mom was to me. She was a tough act to follow.

I often wonder how my life would be if she were still here. I wonder if her loss and the ultimate changes it created in my own life’s path were destined. I know her life was too short, but in my heart of hearts I believe her end was my beginning. Had she not died I would have been on a different path, for starters I would have gotten married to the wrong person. I would not have found my best friend. I would not have my amazing daughters. I wouldn’t have founded the dance school. Life would be different.

Her gift to me was ultimately her life. Knowing that, I have always worked to live my life to the fullest, give back to others as much as I can, and to keep on dreaming with her spirit living inside of me. I often do things for Mom. When I’m on a trip I see something that she would have loved, and I look at it or touch it – letting her see it though me.

It’s weird I know, but she and I are still connected in ways that many may never understand. I go to Rocky’s and have her favorite pizza so she can taste it on her birthday. I decorate her grave even though many never see it, because she would want it nice if someone comes to visit. I say things to people because that’s what she would have said and sometimes she even tells me what to buy people for gifts. She lives in me in many ways and she always will.

For those of you who still have Mom’s living – enjoy them. You just never know when time will stop and your path will change. But when it does remember that a Mom’s love is stronger than anything and it conquers all – even the pain of her loss eventually.

It's been 18 years and I still think of her every day.